Still a Random Gaeguri

 It has been so long since the last post. Life has been fine and normal. I have fallen into the trap of being a K-pop stan, been heartbroken by the removal of a member, and been crying over the mistreatment.  Then, I realised my life was a bit happier, to be honest, I should be thankful. I have everything I need here in my hands. However, humans are such peculiar beings, me included. Sometimes, I wanted what others had without even thinking about why I really needed them. I might not even be happy if I got what they have.  Then, as I watched the time go by, I started to wonder whether I had moved at all. Am I a different person today than a few years ago? Or was I the same? I'm concerned I may have wasted the time given to me.  Then again, as I live my life every day, am I really living?

I am in a better position than others. Others had it much worse. But human is just so ungrateful sometimes. I am ungrateful and selfish. Today was a better day, I think. My work is okay. My mind is okay, I guess. I ate out with my colleagues today, that was fun and bit sad cause some of them are leaving but I am used to it. GOODBYEs! I am good at it. Sometimes I just ignored it, I blocked my heart to feel sad when I actually really sad. It is never easy to say goodbye. I think I might cry. I am struggling because of the economy. It is not happy with me. Well, you know what? I am not happy with you either! Also, I don't know how to deal with this one thing. It keeps on bugging on me. Like it will always be there, always. I am not scared; I am just sad. That's all.

 Just recently, I came across a group that I really like. I am loving (a little bit more) one of the members. They are still very young. Debuted almost 4 years ago after successfully going through a televised challenge. They are just so good at their job. The one that I really like is just a ball of joy and sunshine smashed up together to shine us all. I never knew that I would like this thing. Like I really like it, they are just on my mind all the time. Focus? Well, it's well out of the window by now. But the thing is, I am so happy about it. It's the best distraction I have encountered. I am happy and I want to continue to be distracted happy. And the other part where I need to focus is still struggling. I am struggling a bit. Lastly, I want to emphasis that I am really excited about my new distraction.

 Honestly, I just kind of forgot that I have this. I am currently feeling a lot of feelings and I think that is why I am really stressed out. Obviously, I need this. To let things out! So, today, I was feeling quite okay but then I was not. Do you ever experience this? Like the day was going so perfect , nothing is perfect, but it was going fine I guess then, something happened and all of that fineness is thrown over. Okay, bye.

 Hi guys! The SPM 2021 exam is just around the corner. I should be more and more passionate about teaching this time of the year BUT I don't know. If I am being a helpful teacher or human being at least.  If I am doing my help to help and motivate my students. Am I being a responsible person and human being? I am worried mostly about myself. Will I be able to live with myself if they don't do well? I don't know BUT there's still time SO I will try my best. Haha :) This is just me trying to tell myself that I am going to do better this year.  I hope. K bye guys.

 LET ME TELL YOU. You will have to stay back alone. You will start imagining things like I should have burn a lot of calories cycling this evening instead of working alone. You will also start blaming yourself because there is no one else to blame. You are the reason you are still working at this hour.  Some might think, this is what I deserved. I do think so too but it is not easy to actually experience it. Okay, I want to finish my work.

 The reason I put a question mark is because I don't know if I will be new this year. 2022, what do I expect? From myself, quite a lot actually. First, be kind. Second, make sure you do the first one. Third, lose weight - don't we all do this every new year? Fourth, be rich. I think the last one will be the toughest to achieve because I am not smart with my expenses. Okay, too much info in one sit. HAPPY NEW YEAR!  

 This is about a Korean variety show that I came to love.  I started watching and I fell in love; the cast members, the games and the indoor and outdoor sleeping arrangement.  Well, I love and love the show. I guess, people are not supposed to love something too much. Anything too much is just poison. POISON. I am currently paying the price of consuming, voluntarily consuming the poison.  The world is just a temporary place and me wasting my time and energy loving something that is temporary is just TOXIC.  I am killing myself literally mostly emotionally. An advice for everyone out there.  Love yourself, just love yourself. Whatever you do, think about this first. K, bye.

 I am a bit upset right now. I planned a more exciting and interesting things to do BUT I guess fate has a different things for me. I am not complaining, I am just sad. I want to be better but I guess you need more than that. More than you but still you. In people eyes, I don't care. What I care is in my eyes I look like a total loser. Always has been a loser. I hate this!

 Today was very hot (still hot when I wrote this). I don't know what else to say, I was sweating like leaked faucet. I was so uncomfortable. Feeling like death. More crazy than death. So, I am using a standing fan like almost 24 hours at work and at home. These days are hotter than hot. I am suffering, I think; but I am thankful I still have those two PRECIOUS standing fan.

 On the 9th September 2021, Lee Hi, a Korean female soloist release long awaited album. I was one of the people who are excited for this. She left YG for good and release HOLO and For You in 2020. That was good but this year, this album is amazing. I especially love "Savior" ft BI aka Hanbin. They look so good in the MV, I just can't. Plus, I have been re-watching her live performance on You-tube like every single day. She sings so good and her stage presence is the best. Even better if she had an audience but it's the Pandemic so, I happily received her amazing vocals in those songs. Okay, she has 10 songs - new, fresh and hot from the AOMG oven. I love all the songs and honestly I can't pick just one favourite. Actually, while I am writing this, I am listening to her live performance on You-tube. I also seen her a lot in variety shows like JTBC's Knowing Brothers, MBC's  Radio Star, TVN's Comedy Big League, etc. She is everywhere and I love it. Also,...

 I was never gone actually. Been asked to quarantine myself for eight days and now I am back. Well, to work. I am not sure if I am happy but I don't feel sad or frustrated. Maybe I am slightly glad that I can go around freely again - obviously not too freely cause the Pandemic is till here to stay.  So, I am socially and physically distancing myself. I think.

 Maybe this is not a random thought. Maybe this is something that has been on my mind all along. Yes, I am obese, overweight.  I know I need to lose weight for my health and my self esteem. To be honest, it is hard to lose weight. I mean losing weight is the same as losing your old life. You will need to change your bad eating habits and lifestyle completely. I mean, there is a reason why I gain weight.  First be Corona  lockdown. Second be I eat too much. And third be I do not really exercise. So, I should stop eating too much. (But it will be hard.) Wish me luck!

 Aku sudah tua. Bagi aku, hidup aku tak kenal usia, tapi tak mudah untuk aku menjadi seperti mereka. Persoalannya adalah."Adakah aku mahu menjadi seperti mereka?" Aku juga tidak pasti. Mungkin aku masih belum kenal lagi diri aku sendiri. Ya. Walaupun aku sudah banyak umur, walaupun aku sudah banyak makan garam, tapi aku masih tidak kenal dunia. Jujur aku katakan yang aku sebenarnya tidak mahu kenal dunia. Aku lebih rela tinggal seorang. Tapi, apabila bersama mereka, aku nampak mereka sangat bahagia, dan aku jadi cemburu. Aku cuba masukkan diri aku dalam kalangan mereka. Aku cuba. Persoalannya, "Adakah aku terlalu mencuba untuk menjadi seperti mereka?" Mungkin. Aku tidak kenal lagi siapa aku.

 Finally,  I  got my  first dose of vaccine. I am feeling a little bit dizzy and like I am on the verge of getting a fever but I am okay. That's all. 

 I am still here. I used to write in Malay but I will mix things up here. Maybe some Malay, English and Korean. I am still learning Korean so, that will be a bit of a challenge. REASON I AM WRITING AGAIN? Because I want to write my feelings again. Also, I am bored and this pandemic should better end or I might create a masterpiece before I knew it. 😂😂